The Sword of the Bastard Elf

*I will edit this post as i read more of the book, this is just after my first go

The Sword of the Bastard Elf is a massive gamebook, it is even bigger than me nob, i know, something scientists thought was impossible but there you go! My fiancee treated me to this recently and last night i thought i’d have a brief read before tea. (I had Caribbean vegetable curry and rice and peas if you’re interested!) I didn’t read all the introduction as there is 70 pages before you get to start your adventure but flicking through there is a lot of stuff in there, that’s nearly 1/7 of a full FF book just on the introduction!

My mum and step-dad Jeff (prick) kick me out and after spending the afternoon jerking off miserably in my room, (hey, who doesn’t like a good cry wank before going on an adventure!), you are into the book proper. First options are to hang around the village, head off to Bilgetown where your real dad apparently lives or go through a forest. I went into the forest and after beating a massive bat style creature in a fight (and humiliating him by drawing a cock and some tits on his face and torso with his own shit!) i shagged his missus before having a post coital cigarette and heading off. I ended up working for pixies carving holes in rocks with a pick-axe they then use for homes, they give me hallucinogenic drugs and i have a place to stay so i will call that a victory! Probably less than 20 sections read out of over 1800, this is going to have a lot of other stuff going on!

I was chuckling after only a few lines of paragraph one so i really really look forward to reading what else you can get up to. Buy this book, RIGHT NOW!

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