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What is Beeblbrox reading?

This, and it’s absolutely everything I want so far from a gamebook, 700 references of dungeoncrawling goodness, well written, a decently thought out but simple mechanic system and beatifully presented. Mind you I am only about 20 references into exploring it – however I doubt it’s gonna go far wrong.

(No my minions, we don’t have permission to encode and publish it. One day, my adventure hungry little friends, one day…). Until then , buy your own:

Borag Thung Earthlings

Ok, so, so far this isn’t exactly 2000A.D. of the Gamebook World, and I am hardly Tharg the Mighty. Here we are though. Zarjazz.

So it’s June 17th, 2022. I am sat almost butt naked except for my towel (yup, always know where your towel is) in my studio flat in a small town on the south coast of England wondering where on earth I can take this creaking web machine next. Having just succesfully flogged the idea of doing a blog to a good Fighting Fantasy companion (Rene Batsford, hopefully we will see his first offering with news of his upcoming gamebook shortly), it occurred to me that perhaps I should ‘smell the shit I’m shovelling’ and have a go at it myself.

Despite my handle being Beeblbrox, Tharg seems more appropriate I guess given I am attempting to bring far out adventure stories to your puny planet, as a theme for this blog. And hey, I gather in your primitive network you call the internet ‘mashups’ are all the rage these days. Personally I find them utterly abominable preferring Universe Integrity to my fiction but then, I’m not just doing this for me I guess.

Most basic stuff regarding site origins and inspirations can be found in the Creditations Page or the About Page… so I will attempt not to repeat myself here, and try to make this up to date and relevant. TBH I imagine, knowing me, that a lot of my posts will be obscure and irrelevant and sometimes even semi-psychotic – such is the price of being Hoopy. At least I haven’t crashed my starship into a sun lately anyway.

There are so many things I wish to add to the site one of my biggest problems is knowing where to actually focus myself at any one time. All I DO know is that about 6 years ago – maybe 10, it occurred to me that I am NEVER going to see the site I wish to see developed all by myself, and have so far spent a long time in an *almost* fruitless attempt at ‘acquiring and building a presence on the web with a view to teambuilding and forward processing collaborative goals’.

Excuse me I just choked on corporate buzzwords for a moment.

So, many will know me by now as a cantankerous old git with questionable ethics and an occasionally humerous outlook. Like many on that there internet I had pie in the sky notions of ‘my ideas’ being received with rapturous welcome and was appropriately sorely and sourly disappointed when I was more or less told ‘take a ticket and join the queue’, this was followed by what I can only describe as a VERY long sulk interspersed with ever more desperate attempts to get some more work done here.

And, thanks to my (real life) neighbour of 8 years now, it has gradually started sinking in that that is part of my problem – too much work and not enough play. Work IS a 4 letter word. Who the hell wants to join or even read about a crew where all you’re promised is endless internship, grind and slog? For the privilidge of hearing ‘meh, that was OK’ if you’re lucky at the end of it?

Not me that’s for sure, and I’m damn well sure it isn’t you either.

So to confound a famous quote ‘since brevity is the soul of wit, I shall be endeavouring to provide more art and less matter’ in the future. Or something like that anyway.

The Sword of the Bastard Elf

*I will edit this post as i read more of the book, this is just after my first go

The Sword of the Bastard Elf is a massive gamebook, it is even bigger than me nob, i know, something scientists thought was impossible but there you go! My fiancee treated me to this recently and last night i thought i’d have a brief read before tea. (I had Caribbean vegetable curry and rice and peas if you’re interested!) I didn’t read all the introduction as there is 70 pages before you get to start your adventure but flicking through there is a lot of stuff in there, that’s nearly 1/7 of a full FF book just on the introduction!

My mum and step-dad Jeff (prick) kick me out and after spending the afternoon jerking off miserably in my room, (hey, who doesn’t like a good cry wank before going on an adventure!), you are into the book proper. First options are to hang around the village, head off to Bilgetown where your real dad apparently lives or go through a forest. I went into the forest and after beating a massive bat style creature in a fight (and humiliating him by drawing a cock and some tits on his face and torso with his own shit!) i shagged his missus before having a post coital cigarette and heading off. I ended up working for pixies carving holes in rocks with a pick-axe they then use for homes, they give me hallucinogenic drugs and i have a place to stay so i will call that a victory! Probably less than 20 sections read out of over 1800, this is going to have a lot of other stuff going on!

I was chuckling after only a few lines of paragraph one so i really really look forward to reading what else you can get up to. Buy this book, RIGHT NOW!

The Trolltooth Wars

Here is a quick review, it’s not the best but i don’t care, i have a full english for tea!

The Trolltooth Wars is the first of three Fighting Fantasy novels, no choices, just 200 odd pages of Allansian goodness! The main character is Chadda Darkmane, who gets caught up in the row between evil peepsters DJ Z-Marr and MC Dire over whether they should play ragga jungle or happy hardcore at the upcoming rave in Port Blacksand. Only joking, it’s good for moral! Zharradan Marr was getting some drugs delivered from some far off place and on the way back while on the Trolltooth Pass Balthus Dire’s troops went and stole it. This made him unhappy as it was well good shit that could take you to the spirit plane or something. (Drugs are bad mm,kaay?!)

I spent the whole book struggling over which was which (very annoying!) but (i think!) Marr was the one who lives underground under a town called Coven and who’s army was mainly human with un-dead zombies and other weird stuff, Dire was the one in the black tower who used goblins and ogres and suchlike. Pretty evenly matched but whoever won the ineveitable war would then have no threats in the area and may possibly decide to attack Salamonis, ruled over by King Beardy-Boy and the place you call home.

Actually cheesing his kegs, the king tells you to go try to make sure one side does not gain the upper hand / turn things to Salamonis’ advantage. Aye, right pal, could you be any more vague? You get a little vegetarian assistant called Cherva (who is pretty cool) to help you and have to go and find the censor in Shalazaar who will be able to tell you others that can help you. This is going to take days, no sense of urgency here, no sir!

You end up joining up with Jamut Mantrapper who it must be said fucks up so much you wander if it was worth the effort! He takes you to meet Yaztromo (who sadly doesn’t sing “The only way is up” when climbing his tower). You end up travelling to firetop mountain, the coolest bit of the book to get help from Zagor, and this being the third time i have been there loved this part of the book! It’s like the Butlins of Allansia!

Cherva wakes the sleeping Orc at the start and other places will definitely be familiar. You eventually get to Zagor, double crosses, unexpected deaths follow and after all that he still decides to help you, what a top guy! I’m going to replay WOFTM and let him kill me, he deserves that treasure!

He gets you on Marrs flying ship the Galleykeep and you end up winning though the ending is a bit weird, i don’t even understand it enough to comment! Just think of Banzai, “BET, BET, BET!”

A really enjoyable book, Darkmane is a great character, i’ve read Demonstealer and about to start Shadowmaster, just a shame that will be the last book, i hope they do more!

Matt’s blog number 1

Part of my small but growing collection

Greetings to anyone that reads this! I’m Matt, 41 from Coventry and a fan of Fighting Fantasy since i was about 9. This is my blog where i will be posting gamebook stuff and random stuff as well, never had a blog before though so apologies if it’s rubbish! I’ve not long come out of hospital after spending 16 days in there with pneumonia, that gave me some time to get some gamebook related items for my collection so i hope to post pictures shortly. (I may even post some pictures of the pudding i had in hospital as it was really tasty!) And with that, i bid you a good day sirs and siresses, much love